A Little Science in my Fiction

I started writing this as just a chronicle of television shows I’ve loved over the course of my nearly 40 years. I realized part way through that what I ought to be writing about was the shows that really changed me. Most of them are science fiction shows, some of them are fantasy, and a small handful are comic book related. They are all classically defined “nerd” shows. I’ve learned the most about myself and life through shows like this starting with shows that I had to watch because they were on in the households I grew up in and later, those I chose for myself.

Sometimes shows you watch mean something to you because of what was going on in your life when you found them. Sometimes shows mean something to you because they were so good. Sometimes shows mean something to you because they meant something to someone else near you. Good, bad, or indifferent, shows make marks on us because of a variety of reasons.

My grandmother introduced me to Wonder Woman at the tender age of probably two or three. Young enough that I was mobile without being overly dexterous. I owe my love of Diana Prince to her. I mentioned before that I thought my mom vaguely resembled Lynda Carter. (In truth I thought my mom looked like the perfect combination of Lynda and Jaclyn Smith.) I hoped so hard that I, too, would grow up to resemble Diana. Strong, beautiful, brave, and able to change clothes with a quick spin. Whether I love Diana because my grandmother introduced me to her, or I love Diana because she’s a badass is irrelevant at this point. But I originally loved her because my grandmother introduced us.

“And since I’m finished here sir, may I point out that everything that I have said would have been listened to if it came from an adult officer.”

The next show I was introduced to was Star Trek: The Next Generation. I was introduced to this show during a not so great living situation. That I enjoyed it as much as I did was a testament to the show’s quality and acting. I’ve already stated that I don’t really remember much of season 1, if I watched it at all. Edit: I just looked up the episode I’m about to refer to and the one that little quote up there references and it was in the back half of season one. So clearly there were some season one episodes that I remember watching.

I’ve already talked about my love for Deanna Troi in Sheroes. I want to talk instead about the Crushers: Wesley and Beverly. At the time in my life that I watched TNG, things were less than ideal. In the intervening years, I’ve learned that for Wil Wheaton, things in his life were also less than ideal. In Wesley, I got to see a kid who was basically smarter than every adult on that ship. The adults seemed to resent him. They talked to him like he was subhuman most times and brushed him off. One of the most important episodes to me was one where Wesley had a moment to shout back at his superiors and call them on their bullshit. (See above quote.) That moment left me feeling so validated. A kid can be as smart or smarter than an adult in their life. There’s no planet on which I would’ve attempted to assert that to the adults in my life. But seeing someone else do it let me live vicariously through the moment.

In Beverly, I could watch a mother fiercely love her kid. She wanted only what was best for Wesley. She wanted to see him succeed and become his best self. She nurtured his creativity and intelligence. She gave him whatever tools he needed to succeed. She supported him when the path he wanted to follow wasn’t the one she thought he ought. Beverly Crusher loved her son AND was excellent at her job AND was independent and self-sufficient AND she managed to care for Picard without losing herself and without letting him just disrespect her son whenever he wanted. Beverly Crusher was an amazing mother. She wasn’t perfect but from what I recall, when she was wrong, she owned it and apologized.

Wesley was frequently disrespected on TNG. It’s an unfortunate truth of the show, much how Beverly and Deanna were often disrespected around their womanhood. I don’t know how to say this without it sounding odd, but every time an adult waived Wesley off, I felt seen. I felt like I wasn’t alone in being dismissed. Then getting to watch Wesley often go on and prove that the adults were fucking jackasses for blowing him off allowed me to live vicariously through him. I didn’t have those moments in my life. So, watching Wesley meant a lot to me. Seeing him succeed in an environment that, at the start especially, seemed to actively want him to fail spectacularly gave me some hope that things wouldn’t always be the way they were. That adults and parental figures could be good and supportive of the children in their lives.

Wesley also got bonus points for the fact that when the other girls in my class went all googly eyed about how cute Wil was, I could say—and mean—that I genuinely liked him. Just not like liked. I didn’t have the language for who I like liked.

“We are starstuff. We are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out.”

Babylon 5 was the first science fiction show I chose entirely on my own. It holds the number three spot on my top three all-time sci-fi shows list. I had a small TV/VHS combo in my bedroom, and I used my money to buy blank VHS tapes to record every episode that aired. I loved it so much that I joined the Fanclub. I read all the tie-in books that I could get my little hands on. It was one of those shows where I legitimately loved nearly every character. Susan Ivanova was my absolute favorite. Her dry wit was a balm on my soul. She was dark and morbid and everyone either loved her for it or in spite of it depending on how you looked at it. She was respected and knew how to command a room (let alone a space station on the occasions it was called of her). What I loved about Ivanova for her strength, I loved Delenn for her gentleness. She was just as fierce and formidable (in some ways more so) yet she did it all with a compassion and kindness that often was missing from Ivanova.

Delenn put herself so forcefully into the shoes of others that she transitioned from Minbari to a human hybrid in order to bridge the gap between the two. She sacrificed so much and yet remained entirely herself and self-possessed. It’s been rare over the course of my life that I have ever actively wanted a heterosexual coupling in media to wind up together. Sheridan and Delenn were one of the first and only (the other major couple I’ll talk about in a bit) that I actively loved. They supported one another fully and bolstered one another and challenged the other to grow and be better. They didn’t cut one another down. They operated from a genuine space of love. Sheridan loved the hell out of Delenn exactly as she was. He was one of the first men I’d ever seen treat his potential partner with respect, dignity, and genuine affection. Nearly all the other couples on shows and movies had one or both partners speak to the other with disdain and disapproval. As if that was the standard bar relationships should meet. It’s the romanticizing of abuse that is 100% bullshit and exceptionally too common in media. If someone treats you shitty, you can’t love them out of it.

I made posters of the Babylon 5 logo with the various opening monologues. One winter when it snowed a lot, rather than make a snowman, I built the space station. I was OBSESSED. I recently found it on Amazon Prime and started rewatching the show. Sometimes when we go back and watch shows we loved over again some of the magic gets lost, or—especially with sci-fi—the whole thing feels outdated. And believe me there are moments that feel outdated and special effects that frankly hurt to watch. The integrity of the show, however, is still there. I’m only a few episodes into season 1 (my second least favorite season) and surprisingly it still works for me.

With the discovery of Babylon 5, came the discovery of The SciFi Channel (well before it became Syfy which I still think is silly). I watched reruns of so many shows I missed out on the first time and new shows I couldn’t get enough of. I fell in love with Sliders, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Highlander and Highlander: Raven, and most importantly Farscape. I haven’t really talked about it, but I loved the Muppets. Puppeteering was super fascinating to me and honestly something I could’ve seen myself doing for a living in a different life. When I heard, Jim Henson and science fiction together in one sentence I knew it was something I had to try.

“Welcome to the Federation Starship SS Buttcrack.”

Farscape is nearly impossible to explain in a way that makes any kind of sense, let alone that makes it sound appealing to watch for four seasons and a movie. And yet, it is the top of my top three sci-fi shows ever list. These misfits formed themselves a family, found themselves in the middle of a war with the most aggressive species in the known universe, made the silliest jokes you could ever possibly make, and supported one another as near unconditionally as was possible for each of them to do (for some it was easier than for others). I could go on a diatribe about every character on the series. Every character (even ones you only met for an episode) evoked intense feelings of some kind. Part of that is due to the writing of the show, another part is due to the excellent actors they hired to play these characters.

Oh gosh, it hurts my brain to think of how on earth I’m going to possibly talk about this show without just listing the main characters and doing a chef’s kiss, muttering incoherently, then moving on to the next. I can’t do it without gushing needlessly and giving away major plot points in my excitement. I just tried. I got three characters in and realized I was giving away the entire series. Sorry folks. You just have to take my word that these characters are amazing. I will say this that each main character of the show fills an archetype or trope role. They can easily be summed up by a stereotype, but what the writers and the actors bring to those characters takes those tropes uses it as a stepstool, then kicks it away and climbs to weird, new places you wouldn’t’ve necessarily expected. That’s the best I can do in telling you about my loves without giving away the whole goose.

The second hetero fictional relationship I ever saw and said, “yes make it so, gimme the thing!” was John Crichton and Aeryn Sun. Like Sheridan and Delenn, they made each other better simply by allowing the other space to be themselves, truly and fully. Aeryn was brainwashed since birth and had a major journey of essentially trauma healing to do (in her own seriously brash way) and John had daddy issues he had to work out amongst other immaturities that made him often a detriment to the group rather than an asset. They gave each other space to grow and develop and, while they often didn’t realize they were doing it, loved one another through their very individual processes. They were both perfectly imperfect and complimented one another beautifully. He was often light and silly to her somber and stern. It was the old opposites attract but without all the icky “here let me change and fix you to what I want you to be” bullshit that most of those tropes fall victim to.

John and Aeryn cared, in their own ways, about each other and everyone living with them. The whole crew helped one another with their hurts and hopes and fears and dreams. They had a common goal, to return to their respective homes, in the beginning, but as they journeyed, they realized that they genuinely wanted good for each other. Found family is my jam. It’s my favorite trope of all the tropes. This show pulls all the best of sci-fi and found family and humor and PUPPETS together to make this bizarre, delicious soup. I’ve done my best to keep this spoiler-free, and I think I’ve succeeded, while still conveying this show’s beauty. It’s not one of those shows that you can just pick up anywhere in the series and follow along. You genuinely have to start with episode one in season one. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, that show was worth every second of my time to watch and I enjoyed it (even the “bad episodes” and there were a few) immensely.

“Pilots call me Starbuck; you may refer to me as God.”

The final of my top three sci-fi shows came a bit later (to me anyway, I didn’t watch it when the reboot aired, I started it a little after). Roger Moore’s reboot of Battlestar Galactica is one of the best, most relevant science fiction television shows ever. Farscape is silly and wonderful and creative, Babylon 5 is seriously dated and felt a lot like it could’ve been a Star Trek series, it had all the hallmarks to fit into that franchise easily. Battlestar Galactica felt like one of those shows that could happen now. It’s science fiction but thematically it could happen now in many ways. I’m not saying there are Cylons living amongst us. But the themes of this show, the politics, the fears, the biases, could all be taken out of the sci-fi construct and applied directly to what happens in our world on a regular basis.

The first three seasons were great. The fourth went a little off the rails, but it wasn’t bad. This show was weird. I can’t really point to a single character or a ship that I loved. I liked most everyone. But the people that I disliked, I HATED. Again, this is a testament to the writing and to the acting. The actors were so good at what they did that several of them, I came away legitimately HATING. Like would happily punch in the face if they existed in reality. But that’s the beauty of a well written show. The characters that I despised were people that I could point to in my life and say “hey you’re just like Colonel frakking asshole Tigh,” or “shut up, Gaius” could be said to any number of dickheads I’ve known in my life.

Now, I say this knowing full well that there are little journeys that both of these characters went on that gave them growth and depth and vulnerabilities that took away some of my initial feelings that they were wholly irredeemable. Again, the acting and writing being beautifully nuanced. I think that was the difference in this show from others. The complexity gave my imagination more to play with than the sci-fi of it all. It prescribed to much of the sci-fi formulaic traditions. It was somehow different though. The way it was shot and acted left you feeling just as exhausted as the crew had to have been after jump after jump trying to stay just ahead of the Cylons and complete annihilation. The despair peppered with hope wherever they could find it kept me engaged.

Laura Roslin being wholly unprepared for leading all that remained of her people while grappling with all her personal drama and traumas. Bill Adama doing his gods damned best to keep the whole thing afloat and keep everyone protected. Space Parents are probably the closest thing I have to a ship from this show but I hesitate to ship them because they fall a little too victim (particularly in the beginning) to the opposites who try and force the other to become who they want rather than accept them as they are trope.

Honestly, though, that’s some of what’s so endearing about BSG. It’s so refreshingly real and honest. Opposites try and change one another. The beauty of Bill and Laura is that they realized that it was stupid to do that and came together as they were naturally. They found a common place to sit together and fell in love after they put their egos aside. It’s similar in most of the relationships in this show. They are all honest and messy. No path is linear. Everything is a mess and there is beauty in that mess. There is hope somewhere in the middle of all the hopelessness. There is life somewhere surrounded by all the death.

I sometimes think I’m still waiting for that next majorly influential science fiction tv show in my life. There are others that I love and characters that I adore, but none that have come close to the four here. Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager is one of my favorite characters to ever come from the Star Trek universe, but the show doesn’t quite get up to influential status. I keep meaning to try The Expanse and I keep forgetting to despite how much I love Shohreh Aghdashloo. The next sci-fi show to leave me fully transformed may not exist yet. It may be the next season of Doctor Who. (Thirteen means an awful lot to me.) I don’t know. What I do know is that science fiction has a profound ability to show us the best and worst about ourselves. It can give us hope where we didn’t see any before. It gives many of us a voice we didn’t have until we saw someone else say things we didn’t dare breathe. I love sci-fi. I probably always will.

So, what are your favorite shows? If you watched any of these, who are your favorite characters? What television helped transform you?