Open for Reflection

            As I sit at my computer and search for self-reflective writing prompts, I’m struck by the fact that so many people seem to think they know so much about how best to heal and analyze oneself and become “your best you.” Each page I visit regurgitates the same handful of prompts. “What advice would you give your teenage self,” “Where do you see yourself in a year, five years, ten years,” “What does your perfect day look like,” etc. They all say the same things and profess to hold the keys to better knowing yourself.

            There are absolutely benefits to be had from answering these and like questions for oneself. Let’s face it though, some of us have done that sort of thing at least twenty times and it’s time to stop beating our heads against the same walls. (Let’s find new walls to headbutt.) I don’t have answers. I only have questions. I am not an authority. I am a student of being kicked around by my own brain and honestly, I deserve a break. So instead of answering the same questions yet again, I’m going to try and ask some new ones.

            Healing the things that have caused us harm in our lives is not easy or linear or fun sometimes…most of the time. I am certainly not fully healed from all my shit. I am, however, healing. I’ve done—and am doing—major excavations that leave me completely exhausted, often relieved, and sometimes profoundly sad. Its easy to go back through, look at my life, and point out all the things that have molded me in negative ways. I’m going to use this space to look at the things that have positively shaped me, given me hope, gave me a voice, and yes, even some of those dark corner things that I’d rather not look at directly.

            I don’t know all the answers. I don’t even know where all this blog will lead me. I do know that I am a work in progress that is turning into quite the interesting painting. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m weird and awkward and quiet. I’m learning to love and nurture those things about myself. I’m learning that I have a voice and that some of the things I have to say may matter in some way. I don’t naturally share things with people, let alone strangers.

I’m doing this for me. To learn about myself a little more, to open up about myself just a little, and to make a space where some folks who wander here will find comfort and come away knowing that they aren’t alone. Life is full of little joys if we can look for them, and no matter what, there is always hope.